Some more tomfoolery… and thoughts about digital art

*brain vomit incoming* It took me 10 years to find out that I honestly just hate digital art and the fact that I was forcing myself to learn things I never cared about for the sake of making visually pleasing artworks didn’t help at all. Because when you got a tool as broad and helpful as digital art it feels like a waste not to learn the ‘cool stuff’. Turns out it’s not made for me. Not even a tiny bit. And what ultimately hurt my ego bad enough to make me reconsider my whole social media presence was the fact that, by scrolling through my Instagram account, you don’t really see any kind of outstanding improvement in my art, which is what I tortured myself for. Leading to no results, of course. Because I got too caught up in what others were doing, because I confused the things I liked to see with the things I LOVED to make. It’s always sketches on sketches, nothing cool, nothing impressive. No amazing composition or color theory. I strayed away from what I really love, which is drawing manga for the sake of improving in ways that never belonged to me. Because a pencil and some black ink are everything that I’ve ever needed ever since I started drawing again 4 years ago. Digital art feels ‘’sterile’’ in a way I can’t quite put my finger on yet. Being able to physically hold a stack of drawings I did over the years, as boring as they may be, is the most beautiful feeling in the world to me. And I would’ve never admitted this before, I would’ve done ANYTHING in my power to make the most of this, to not end up as wasted potential. I was wrong all along and I only realised now. Coming to terms with the fact that maybe I’ll never be as cool as the artists I follow on Instagram, that maybe I just have to accept the fact that the skill level I considered as ‘’mediocre’’ for myself is simply what makes me happy more than anything and I can’t give it up. I spent God knows how many hours copying manga panels by hand in high school with a pencil and a black gel pen to ink with and I still keep all of those pages in a folder under my desk. When I didn’t feel this compelling need to post my art for it to matter in any way. And its about to change, I’m sure of this. Because one of my biggest dreams finally came true and I can finally say this to everyone: I’ll be starting my first proper manga course lead by a professional Japanese manga artist on the 8th of May. And also got an upcoming graphic novel masterclass that same week as well. I almost forgot that this was the whole point. That having the people I once admired being appreciative of my work is everything I could’ve ever dreamed of when I started this journey. That, after all, social media is never that serious and take you can make a name for yourself even without followings trends or posting reels, if you believe it’s possible. I can’t wait to start this new journey and be around people who share this passion with me, actually having a mentor to turn to for once. I didn’t even start yet and I can already say that this will definitely be the highlight of my 19th year of life. Wooo. *brain vomit concluded*

Anyways, hello. Second and last post of April. >.> I feel like I REALLY needed to talk about this topic and its good to finally let all of these considerations out here. I think that everybody, Jesus Christ and other non-Christian religious figures included, knows that since the start of this year I’ve been on and off with posting on social media and have been deleting all of my drawings minutes after uploading them. Couldn’t understand why until now. I’m not kidding when I say that I’ve had legit panic attacks because of this, and that’s where I understood that something was fundamentally wrong and it wasn’t just an ‘’off’’ vibe. It should’ve never been that serious, so why was this happening? Well I figured it out now. Clap clap clap. I saved myself from another rabbit hole of obsession over drawing where I’d go on a manic journey for months desperately trying to improve just to burn myself out and never pick up a pencil again. And I’m not saying this because it already happened once, of course. It happened twice. In Italy we say ‘’non c’è due senza tre’’ but since I can’t find a proper English equivalent of this saying I’m just going to close my eyes and pretend it doesn’t exist. I’m not going down that road again even if I had to delete all my socials to prevent it, I’m not scheduling my first botox appointment at 25 when I’ll have to face the consequences of my own actions. I’m already seeing enough. *covers eyes dramatically* 

Despite everything I gotta say that these days have been going well. Weather is nice. Last Friday I dragged my best friend and his boyfriend to a club to see a rapper that they didn’t even know because I was desperate to go. Needless to say that my mission was 100% successful. Listen, I don’t usually listen to this kind of music but guys. The side quests, the lore, the tomfoolery… come on. I couldn’t miss it. Also is it normal to walk into a club at 19 and finding out that you’re the oldest out of everyone else there? And who the fuck let me wear PANTS? That was humbling, ok? I thought it would be cold and I DIED. I should’ve put more effort into my quirky emo tumblr ‘’not like other girls’’ wattpad y/n outfit. I missed the chance to ACTUALLY put my hair in a messy bus and wear converse shoes there, ughhh. >.> I was really out of pocket LOL didn’t even do it on purpose I just wore my normal everyday clothes. Bring back tumblr grunge fits and tattoo chokers thanks. And iPhone 6s. PLEASE. Don’t mind the mess in the bg e.e.

Anyways, we had fun. It went better than expected but I’m not sure if I’d do it again without a reason to. 

Fake Labubu in the club what will he do…

Wonky mirror pic

At the end of the night he snatched my phone to take a video with it LMAO highlight of the weekend tbh. Everything was pretty funny, one of the most random side quests so far that’s for sure. Also can guys stop overspraying Intense Cafe by Montale? I smell it EVERYWHERE it’s a literal nightmare. Why does it always have to be in the most secluded spaces, too? If I focus hard enough before going to bed I can sniff it telepathically in the back of my mind. I’m dying. Sigh… 

Monday’s my day off so I took the chance to go out for dinner with a friend at an All You Can Eat. We gave up. Pathetically, too. It was yummy but we ordered too much food. >.> Worth it though.

I also tattooed my mom again LOL. It wasn’t planned but we still had fun and it turned out better than I expected, even though I’ll definitely touch it up in the future. I found out that I hate the new cartridges I got, lmao. Thankfully I bought more than one brand. >.>

I’m glad that she’s willingly letting me practice like this instead of fake skin. The fake skin I bought is too thin, the needle literally penetrates from side to side whaaaaat ToT its so annoying, and if I’m sitting on a flat surface its even worse, its so annoying. That’s why I’m not practicing that much, ugh. The thought of setting up my station just to go through this tomfoolery for 2 hours straight annoys me, and I don’t have a stencil printer yet, so. Peep this new journal I got. It’s giving 2015 kawaii nostalgia. And I don’t know what I need that cup for, I never use this kind of stuff but it was too cute sniff… time to start doing it now, LOL. I’ll come back when I learn how to make a proper frappucino. U.U

This is pretty much it for this post. April was.. fine but I hated it anyways like every other year. If you saw my schedule for May you’d understand why I felt like I was going insane not being able to do any of that this whole month. >.> The deadlines on that piece of paper are currently hanging ominously over my desk.

Nevertheless, being able to finally take a serious step forward with my art and having the opportunity to be face to face with professionals is one my biggest accomplishment yet and I can’t even begin to explain how much it means to me, I can’t wait sniff sniff…

What about you guys? What are you up to? Let’s chat in the comments <3

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April’s sidequests

Just know that I wont bother to proofread this post. Anyways. Writing letters is totally ‘’in’’ this year. They’re NOT for the weak, I swear. I can see why people in the past yearned so hard, guys. I’m gonna die waiting for a reply *faints dramatically*. I don’t even know what I should write because to say that I’m busy and STRESSED would be an understatement, buuuut you know I’m not leaving my blog unattended so even if nothing interesting really happened you can bet I’ll be furiously tapping on my keyboard at the unholiest hours just to have something to upload. I care about this little blog a lot, being inactive here makes me sad. I mean, I’m doing it for fun after all. If I’m not writing then it means I’m probably not having fun, which is bad. In my absence, I gathered some material for this post. Let’s start by saying that this month has been full of sidequests. Now if you know me you also probably know that this is normal for me and it’s basically impossible to be serious. For example I just found that my great grandfather was a noble. Like, as I’m writing this. Real time update of the kind of tomfoolery that I go through everyday. I’m trying to reconstruct his whole family tree e.e I can’t believe I’m writing this but it’s too funny to not say it. If you can speak Italian and want to know more you can read this. It’s funny, ok. I’ll see you guys in my castle U.U. Moving on… 

Hope everyone had a Happy Easter. This year we had so much fun that even the Pope died. So crazy. RIP dude. Anyways. Last week I went to church after the longest time. It was ok, I didn’t realize how much I needed that little walk until I got there, sigh. I can’t recall the last time I went anywhere else other than back home after work, to be honest. It was super nice. Look. 

I wanted to upload this post sooner but blogging on my iPad is a pain in the ass, I don’t know why but sometimes the layout just CRASHES as Im writing and I gotta reload the page 300 times to make it work again. I don’t get it. Back to what I was saying before I forget, the morning after I went back to my beach house with my mom. We decided to celebrate Easter there with our whole family so of course we had to get some stuff in order u.u its always pretty quiet there, I love it even if I never go to the beach sigh. It’s just cool LOL and I miss it ten thousand times more after spending time with my friends there this summer. Makes it a lot more nostalgic. These are some pics I took. 

It’s really not this quiet during the summer thankfully, but it’s still peaceful. No one really bothers you and I think the fact that we slept with our doors unlocked (and open….LOL) the whole time we were there proves it e.e. Not recommended though. You never know who you’ll find as your neighbour and it’s either super fun or a total nightmare but besides being a bit rude everyone’s ok. I’m giving this place a 4 stars review just because they refuse to re-open the pool. Now that you’ve read enough stuff you don’t care about let’s move on. EASTERRRR!!!! I used to hate it when I was younger because I thought it was boring but this year I had so much fun I feel like I went back home with a ball of sunlight in my chest. I can’t explain it but just being with my whole family… AURGHHH T.T I wish my grandfather was there as well… we had so much fun its been so long since we spent time together like that, I felt like a kid again. No responsibilities just blowing bubbles in the grass with my little cousins and being able to hug my parents again without a care in the world. Everyone’s laughing and having fun, food is yummy, weather is nice… this is my best life I swear. There’s no amount of money in this world that can buy this feeling. If I could have my friends around everyday I’m sure I’d have enough energy to graduate Harvard out of nowhere for fun on a random Thursday and succeed. If you’re my friend and you’re reading this just know that I gave you a little kiss. This was our setup from the day. Plastic chairs just have that vibe, yk.

My mom made the yummiest lasagna that morning and I helped her out, too u.u so I can take like 20% credits or whatever. I might move back in with her for this only, sigh. Anyways.

This was the vibe, basically. Ofc I had to put my SPF on otherwise I would’ve DIED but guysssss look at how nice the weather was, sigh… we really ate a lot. I mean like a lot. I don’t even remember all of it because I think I gave after the first barbecue round because I was dying. Jk, I needed space for dessert, ok? Dessert is important. Speaking of which, here it is. 

That’s homemade limoncello that my aunt made in the background. Not kidding when I say that it’s one of the best things I’ve ever tried. I need 20 bottles of that, and the one on the left is a traditional Easter ‘’dessert’’ that we make here. I don’t know how to define it, dessert doesn’t feel quite right, I’m sure there’s a more fitting way to call it but cuzzupa is cuzzupa guys. The recipe in case anyone’s curious. It’s super easy to make. After lunch, fruit, snacks, 500 drinks per person and 2 hours of slow cooking in the sun we decided to go for a little walk around the village. 

It was super relaxing… I needed it. I don’t know I only feel like going to the beach when it’s NOT summer. I’ve always been like this since I was a kid, there must be some sort of scientific explanation. 

Also peep my bag, guys. My aunt gave it to my mom and my mom ended up giving it to me LOL. I used to wear a small crossbody Michael Kors bag everyday but now that I need my iPad on me at all times I had to switch to a bigger one and this one fits perfectly. And I’m super happy I finally got the space I need to put all of my favorite trinkets together, yayyy. Most of these were gifts from my friends or they’re just stuff I collected over time. I love wearing it. 

Anyways, it had gotten pretty late so it was time to go back. Last round of Spritz for us and then back home. We wanted to get back before the sun went down, but the scenery was even more beautiful. 

*Unwritten by Natasha Bedingfield plays in the background* the ride home was fine, we really needed a day off like this, me especially LOL. I’m still recovering from a crazy week e.e. Anyways my new tattoos supplies finally arrived and I got to unbox all of that stuff when I got home LOL It was exciting because I got my very first professional cartridges… eheehehe. And this is some stuff I practiced recently. I found out that this synthetic skin is too thin and that the needles goes through it completely and if I’m sitting on a flat surface it makes EVERYTHING shake so its really not my best line work and I gotta definitely work on my setup. 

I might give myself that Moomin tattoo, LOL. Still thinking about it. 13 years old me would SCREAM if she knew. Anyways its basically impossible to wipe fake skin completely and it bothers me so bad, ugh. And drawing stencils by hand, mirroring the images, sketching this, that… its kind of a drag but I feel like it makes the process a lot more authentic, LOL. Not sure if I’ll buy a stencil printer anytime soon. And so this was it for Sunday and Monday. Tuesday I just passed out and did NOTHING buuut this morning, Wednesday 23/04 (you’ll read this tomorrow, probably) I went out with a friend and I had lots of fun. The Amerigo Vespucci stopped by as part of its Mediterranean tour and of course we had to go see it. We didn’t get to go on board and I’m still mad about it but at least we saw it from afar. Very far. At least it’s something, sigh. 

Even if I didn’t go on board myself I borrowed some videos from a friend so that I can still show you guys, ehehe. I’m not letting you miss out. It’s so beautiful… if you want to learn more about it you can read lots of interesting facts and history here. 

I’m still a bit disappointed but the rest of the day went well, I had lots of fun. I really needed to recharge so that I can properly start working on everything again. We went to the mini market to get some noodles and then had lunch together. I’m still super happy because I had lots of fun T.T when I went home I had to take the coldest shower ever because it was already SO hot outside… and then I passed out before going to work LOL. My hair looked nice before going out but it’s basically impossible to look decent for more than 5 minutes when you go out in this town, the weather is so terrible all the time. I etheri buzzcut myself or start wearing wigs because it’s humbling. Rest in peace clean hair. 

And so this was pretty much it for this post. I’m studying hard as usual and working even harder. I have lots of stuff going on and now that most holidays are out of the way it’s time to lock in again. I still got so much stuff left to do this week… As always thank you for reading this and sticking until the end, it means a lot to me. How are you guys doing? Did you celebrate Easter in any way? Let’s chat!

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Stuff I got recently

 Heeeeelloooo April. Thank God I survived March, don’t even know how it happened. >.> Ughhhh. Side quests after side quests and my art block is still going hard, but at least I finally ordered some new tattoo supplies and can start practicing properly again. I drew a cute flash sheet and I hope to post some pics of it after I try out some designs on fake skin. I gotta say that even though I’m going through an art block, I’m drawing a lot more than expected. I guess I just feel kinda stuck…? I’m not really sure which direction to take with art lately. >.> I’m super frustrated. Sigh. WHICH IS EXACTLY WHY I GOT SOME RETAIL THERAPY MWHEHEEHEH. Ok. Let’s move on.

Thursday morning I woke up at 6am to go to the flea market with my mom. Yes, 6am because I wanted to get all the good stuff before it got busy. They set it up every first Thursday of the month and it’s only there for the first few hours of the morning so you have to be super quick before everyone else’s snatches all the cool stuff, eheh. I got lucky, tho. It’s been months since I went out that early in the morning and to be honest I kinda missed it. And I had the chance to spend some time with my mom which is amazing. U.U So, this is what I got for 50 cents each at the flea market.

An H&M divided dress. I’ll probably wear it a lot this summer, especially in the morning. Super cute.

This is for nights out only. It’s a bit too long on me but I’ll easily fix it. Think I could wear it in winter too.

Loving this top on low rise jeans. I have a pair in this exact color, too. Can’t wait to style it properly.

Yes, this was all 50 cents each. Which means I got these 4 pieces for a total of 2 euros only. Ehehehe. Also, the Franziskaner beer polo shirt is iconic I couldn’t leave it behind. I mean, I can wear this at work so it makes sense. 

I’d say its trashy but to be honest it’s kinda fire. Like. It’s iconic ok and it was 50 cents so of course I needed it. Moving on.

I also got these little things. Loveee the bodywash and deodorant but I’m keeping these for the summer. I’m not really a fan of gourmand scents but I still got it because I bought it last summer for the first time and it’s more nostalgic than anything else, sniff sniff… but it smells nice. Like banana candies. The deodorant is deadly though. Too strong. But let’s get to the REAL star of this post. 

Yara, by Lattafa. Here on the left. OH MY GODDDDDDD. I hate, HATE, HAAAATE gourmand-girly-suffocatingly-sweet scents but please. This one. I wish it could get discontinued because I want it all to myself. It’s so popular I couldn’t gatekeep it even if I wanted to but I love it. FINALLY a girly fragrance that doesn’t smell like random sweets or frizzy candies or overly sweet fruit syrup. This is kinda like Poison Girl but better. More powdery, less heavy than it’s Dior counterpart but still cozy. I feel like it could definitely work for both winter and summer but spring is 100% her best season. I saw it getting listed as a Poison Girl dupe on some websites but if you’re looking for an IDENTICAL dupe this is not the one, Yara is it’s own fragrance to me and I’m loving it. For someone who usually leans towards ‘’darker’’ fragrances like Aromatics in Black by Clinique this is a breath of fresh air, literally. I love it sooo much I’m so glad I finally found a fresh, light fragrance to wear in spring that doesn’t smell like those mini perfumes they used to put in little girls magazines. Hope this makes sense >.> Anyways, I’ll definitely be buying Yara again and will be looking into other Lattafa fragrances. I have also tried Yara Candy but it’s too fruity for me so I didn’t get it. Yara Moi is next on my list. Moving on… I got this bag and these glasses. 

Yes, I know the bag is fake LOL [EDIT: this bag COULD be vintage and now I’m questioning everything. Nevertheless I need to restore it properly, I’ll update]  but it was so cheap I just couldn’t leave it there. Even though I already ‘’own’’ (basically it’s my sister’s bag but she says I can use it whenever I want… and I never wear it LOL)  a legit LV bag I still got it because I’m planning to upgrade and restore it for everyday wear. I didn’t take better pictures because I’m in a rush as usual but it needs some fixing. Whoever owned it before me must have really loved it since it’s so worn out. It’s still a good bag though. It needed some deep cleaning but that didn’t take long. And the sunglasses are iconic. 2 euros. U.U This is all I found at the flea market but my haul isn’t done yet eheheh. 

This is the stuff I got in my last order. I rarely buy clothes online nowadays but I received a gift card so..

Besides these tops I also bought two pair of jeans but they didn’t fit into the pictures so use your imagination. I’m literally wearing the cat shirt right now and I love it. There were also some accessories but maybe I’ll show them in another post, and this My Melody shirt. Didn’t get a chance to wear it yet, sigh.

Now to my faves… some vintage stuff I stole from my mom’s clothes. It’s always cool to find legit y2k clothes. Really makes you question your life choices when you compare them to the cheap attempts to recreate this style by fast fashion brands. I’d gladly use the bag everyday but it’s a bit too small for me. 

That beauty case was a gift for my mom’s 18th birthday and guess what there was in it? PERFUME. Of course I had to find it and apparently it’s this one. Also, my mom turned 18 in 1990 so it’s pretty cool that she still had this. This was the fragrance. I’m pretty sure it’s discontinued now, which is a shame because I’d love to smell it. It’s always cute to discover my mom’s fave beauty products from when she was my age T.T sniff.. 

Anyways this is the end of my haul, I’m pretty satisfied with it I gotta say U.U besides this I’m doing ok in the past week, which is good. I’m starting to get better and looking back to where I was last year helped me realize lots of things and I’m doing some work to get in the right mindset again. April has just started and it’s ok, I need to be kinder with myself. And forgiving. >.> Since the weather seems to be improving I’m starting to go out a little more when I have time and it’s helping me a lot. As soon as I get a day off I want to dedicate myself to doing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING for once and try to take a walk in the parking oro me thing like that. I need it. I can’t wait to show you guys some new tatto eheheeh I’m super excited about the supplies I bought. I’m trying to take it easy without rushing anything despite the pressure I feel… I’m underappreciating my efforts for no reason. And I finally started posting on my other Instagram account as well, it’s cool to finally exist outside of art. I never made a personal account on any social because I was getting bullied to death in high school and didn’t want ANYONE to find me but since it’s supposedly over I’m trying to do things I like again. Imposter sindrome sucks though. Fuck that. 0/10 not recommended. 

As always thank you for reading my posts even though this blog doesn’t make any sense anymore. I appreciate it <3 What about you guys? What are you up to lately? Let’s chat!

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