Hi. This is just gonna be a huge ramble and I don’t care, let me have something to look back to in 10 years and think “what the fuck was going on when I was 20?”. Also excuse my English, I’m on a thousand different medications and my head’s probably gonna blow up soon. No idea what life is even about lately. Moving TWICE in a single month should be illegal. Also, caught a horrible cold for no reason and getting out of bed felt like a workout this week. To be completely honest, I’m not sure why I still put up with this blog. I don’t care about numbers, but I’ve been flopping SO hard on here lately I’m actually wondering if that’s because I don’t have a “niche’’ anymore, or if blogging has become so obsolete that even people interested in it are actually moving on to more trendy alternatives like Substack. And I get it, I considered it as well. But I feel like Substack is not something I could keep up with at the moment, especially because I feel like you actually need to build an audience to keep it going. And this whole thing stresses me out. I always complain about this topic but I HATE how we can’t just do nothing anymore. Algorithms, content creation, branding, how to grow your following etc etc etc like oh my God. Can we please just have hobbies?? No I don’t wanna put up with the algorithm. No I don’t wanna schedule my posts. No I don’t wanna create any short-form content. Am I just missing out or is this just genuinely insufferable? This is the exact reason why I don’t feel any sort of motivation towards drawing anymore and I’ve been thinking about this a lot, recently. I really wanted to start over with my art account, and I did. It’s great, sure. But also, what’s the point? I feel like I’ve just lost the plot somewhere during this past year and I have no idea what to do with art, or how to enjoy it now that I reached pretty much all of my goals. There’s so much more to life than this and it pisses me off how long it took me to realize it. One year free from my chronic illness and there’s so MUCH that I wanna do, I can’t bring myself to put that much effort into sitting at a desk now that everything orbits around some sort of weird algorithm. Posting feels useless and it’s easy to feel invisible on social media when you’re not doing the most. Might just be me, but I’ve gotten so demotivated. And I need to catch up with the life I paused for the sake of art and in order to return to it, I think that the best way would be to find third spaces to connect with other artists in real life and network actual opportunities instead of just sitting behind a screen.
I can’t believe how easy it was to forget the fact that I had spent the last 4 years of my life in survival mode, and I don’t even wanna think about how hard it is for people that will probably deal with this same feeling for the rest of their lives. I got the easy way out and now that it’s finally over and find myself doing everything I’ve ever dreamed of, all of these silly things just seem meaningless. I kinda hate how everything is inevitably connected. The lack of third spaces, the improper use of social media, the rise of AI, everything at this point. We’ve never been this burn out before, I can see why everyone’s pushing for “side quests” in 2026, and I totally agree with that as someone who was just doing anything before this was even a term LMFAO. It’s good to see more people expanding their interests, trying out new stuff and just making time in their schedules to HAVE FUN. Speaking of trends though, I can’t be the only one noticing a concerning amount of “skinny propaganda” all over my feeds again. What is this, Tumblr 2014? God help me. I thought we were way past that. Imagine fighting your whole life to eat normally without hearing voices every time you sit in front of a plate just to get attacked by this bullshit all over again. At this point I’m starting to think that this is never going to end. I’m glad I developed enough critical thinking skills to not let myself fall into this trap but even keeping my thoughts in check is exhausting sometimes. Whatever, at this point I’m just spitting nonsense on the internet but I don’t care. I remembered I have free will and I decided to use it on here instead of journaling, for once. The weather here is horrible, I can’t remember the last time I got out of the house for more than a couple of hours. Also, I’m officially unemployed now and I have no idea what to do with myself, I’m already looking for something else to do but? What the hell? Like that was my emotional support soul-eating routine job bro. Come on. I’m not saying I’m exactly sad about this, I’m saying that I wish I wasn’t wasting all of this free time, really. Being sick and everything when there’s so much I could do, SO many hobbies I wanna dedicate myself to… like karting. And skating. Living far away from your friends really sucks, because what do you mean there’s no one to go on side quests with NOW THAT I FINALLY HAVE THE TIME TO DO THAT??? I gotta stay focused there’s really no other way to survive. Oh, I’m also graduating this year. I totally forgot about this. I’m so done and burnt out with school that I literally couldn’t be paid enough to care. At all. I’m just going through the motions with it, I got more important stuff to think about right now. Like hiking trips and race days and dirt bikes and hanging out with my friends and whatever. Love that I literally picked the WORST year ever to finish high school because I can’t focus on anything besides this bullshit, I just wanna hang out bro. I feel like this one image right now.
I just wanna go on a week long snowboarding trip with my friends. Or maybe camping. Or just spending a whole weekend on the track while I almost die of thirst after consecutive 47 laps and finding my dad waiting for me with the crispiest sugar free Red Bull in hand. *werewolf sounds in the background*
I’ll be back soon… to interrupt this depressing streak of random complaints, I do have something funny to tell. That no one asked. So. I bought a pair of roller skates on Vinted a week ago and they also came with knee pads etc. etc. First of all, jumpscare as soon as I opened the box because the skates were SO DIRTY I found like 3 spiders inside of them. I’m not kidding. I didn’t take a picture because I was busy dying laughing. As if that wasn’t enough, I also found a pair of panties inside the knee pads. Yes. Panties. I wish someone was there to film my reaction because I’m still dying thinking about it. How does it even happen on accident? Knee pads are NOT something that goes in the laundry, you can’t mix them up. I hope. BUT PLEASE LOOK AT THIS. I’M CRYING. I have bought so much stuff secondhand on all kinds of marketplaces and I swear this was the most random thing ever. Someone please tell me your weirdest online shopping experience so that I can know if I’m being trolled by the universe or if this kind of tomfoolery is ‘’normal” and I was just late to the party. The whole picture out of context looks even funnier. I’m rolling.
Soooo yeah. I don’t know what went down this March, I usually feel super motivated during this time of the year. I guess sometimes you just need to find yourself stuck in the loop to completely break the pattern from the inside LOL. It was weird. I kinda feel like I’ve been living like a divorced dad. BUT! My online best friend Martina graduated college and I’M SO PROUD OF HEEERRRRRR!!!!! I can’t believe we’ve known each other for TEN YEARS already. And we finally got to see each other in 2021…. I miss my wife guys. LOOK AT HER.
Summer ‘26 vision board: celebrating Summerween like that one Gravity Falls episode (goated show) and buying a van out of nowhere to go on a million adventures. If any of you is bored and down to do random stuff, hit me up, I’ll probably say yes. I got so many ideas on my bucket list that I had to write down another page because I couldn’t fit it into a single one LOL. And to think that there’s probably gonna be more… help. This is exactly what I have in mind, btw. The only vibe I’ll be on lately probably. Re-entering my #teenagedirtbag era at the ripe age of 20 because I spent the last 5 years of my life working and I need to go crazy again!!!!
I’ve also been thinking about tattoos recently, like. It’s been so long since I last practiced… I really wanna draw some new designs, and now that I moved I finally have some space to set up all of my equipment and I’m SO happy!! ToT I really can’t wait ehehe…. I’m having lots of fun with American traditional designs and I’m practicing my lining skills as much as I can, I don’t know why but thin line art feels a lot easier than doing clean, chunky lines. I would love to post some pictures but I can’t find my sketchbook right now so use your imagination. ANYWAYS!!!!! Being 20 is fucking weird, why is no one talking about this. Not in a bad way, I would never go back to being a teenager but? IT’S STILL WEIRD SOMETIMES OK e_e I think it’s cool to see how everyone’s at different stages in life right now LOL. I would love to lore dump on here but ever since my birthday I’ve just been doing anything. Some people would say that I’m going through an early “mid-life crisis” but I feel good (when I’m not going crazy) actually. Like this is EXACTLY what was supposed to happen. Also please take a look at my hair because I took some pictures last night and I love them LMFAOOOO!!!
I’ll stop rambling now. Retiring into my chambers (my room) to study and do all that boring stuff that I have to do so that I can binge watch old motocross movies and be sad that I can’t go out and have fun ‘cuz it’s raining. I’m pretty sure that not being able to stay still or be bored is some sort of symptom for something else that I’m purposely ignoring, and I don’t care. My only red flag is that I think that I’m supposed to have fun everyday. Rate my setup 1 to 10.
So, yeah. I don’t have anything else to say THANKFULLY. Hopefully I’ll post some more in April, I’d rather use all of this free time writing instead of, I don’t know, doomscrolling. How are you doing? Keep me posted, give me some niche side quests ideas. I’ll leave you guys with my favorite song.
As always, thank you for keeping up with my bullshit. I can’t believe there are people still reading my blog after 3 years. Now I really have to go and think about my digital footprint. A Gravity Falls rewatch is calling me. Let’s keep in touch tho ehehehe ദ്ദി(˵ •̀ ᴗ - ˵ ) ✧
